Proud to Be American, Where At Least I Know I'm Green

In honor of the birth of our nation and the American tradition of celebrating such a milestone by blowing shit up and cramming grease into our faces, I have decided that for the next couple of days I will be dedicating this blog to food representative of the U.S of A.

We're a quiet, humble people

I think it's apparent by now to anyone who's read my blog that I enjoy vegan food. I enjoy the fuck out of it. I don't limit myself much, my mantra in life is, "If it's vegan, I eat it." I have the utmost respect for those who keep the processed foods, analogues, snack foods, soy and/or gluten products down or completely out of their diet. Hell, I wish I could be just like them. Goodness only knows I wouldn't be slapping that extra 15lbs of belly and thigh jiggle in the mirror every morning before squeezing myself into a pair of Spanx on a hot Summer day to go to a birthday party where I surreptitiously try to hide the fact that I need to keep pulling said Spanx up lest they start to roll down to reveal my gut in all of its doughy glory.

But, alas, I enjoy a vast variety of vegan foods and our first item up for exploration today is my all time favorite. I love this restaurant and the menu item that I indulged in SO much that I almost contemplated saving it for last in my American Food Series but I can't. I wanted it today and I'm blogging about it today. So there.

I'm extremely fortunate to live in Tempe, AZ which can boast the original location of Green New American Vegetarian. Now a chain of 2 (there's a second location in Phoenix) and their sister coffee shop Nami, Green is the place to be if you're a vegan who wants a little comfort food in the Valley of the Sun. With menu items like "Crab" Puffs and Eggless rolls, Mac and Cheez and the ridiculously delicious No Harm Chicken Parm Po Boy you are in for a decadent treat before I even start in on the genius that is their tsoynami. (I will start in on those though. Those things are bomb.)

Upon arrival today I found the place hoppin', like always.

Full tables and a line at the register. Just a typical Wednesday lunch hour

I waited my turn and placed my order for the Big Wac with thyme fries, trying not to salivate directly in front of the angel who would be sending my order back to the benevolent gods of vegan delectability shinning brightly in their kitchen Olympus.

Pretty sure he made my lunch today

The Big Wac is Green's take on a certain fast food chain's double stack burger. You know, the one with 2 all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun? The one hawked by a not at all scary or child molester reminiscent clown with a blood red fro and creepy grin?

Is it the Big Mic?

Their version is, of course, vegan and thusly 2 million percent better than the entree that inspired it. With 2 hand packed veggie burgers, vegan cheese and vegan special sauce teaming up with the pickles and onions on a sesame seed bun, this enormous bad boy will have you never dreaming about the bygone days when you didn't know fast food was horrid in every way.

I mean, look at it! It's beautiful!

Coupled with the shoe string thin, crispy and flavorful thyme fries, you honestly won't mind spending the extra five minutes to go inside for this baby instead of hitting up a drive-thru. It's even quicker if you have them on speed dial like I do so you can order it on your way over. 

You think I'm joking.

I'm not

I insisted that I would never be able to eat the entire thing and begged my husband to share it with me.

Cross section exhibit of our specimen reveals that the inner layers are made of pure awesome

He didn't. Largely because I ate the whole thing with no problems and took a few bites of the oatmeal cookie sandwich that I impulse bought at the register as it beckoned to me along side its other vegan treat cohorts.

Eat us. We're cruelty freeeeee. We're amaaaaaazing....

If there's a heaven, it has a Green

This thing is insanely good, so good that I've made special trips for it before. Having said that, I was knee deep in it before I realized that the tsoynami of the day was the Agent Cooper and I about burst into tears.

Dairy Queen? More like, Dairy Hood Rat

A tsoynami is a made-fresh-daily soy soft serve (or as they say, tsoft tserve) base that is then mixed with a bunch of amazing items to create blizzard-like concoctions for those hot summer days when you want a frozen treat. Or the cold winter ones. Really, I want these all the time. 

The Agent Cooper today was a mix of black cherries, vanilla wafers and whip topping meant to illicit the comforting feelings of cherry pie served at the Double R with a steaming cup of hot black Joe. I can hear a waterfall in the background. And owls. They're not what they seem, you know.

Thank you Green for always being there when I need a comforting, hearty, delicious fix of vegan-y goodness. No one does it quite like you.