Fake Bacon is What I'm Makin

Happy Fathers Day!

In honor of dad and his hearty appetite while continuing on with our breakfast series, I thought that today would be a good day to discuss faux pork products.

I hear the question time and time again, "If you're going to such lengths to eat things that taste like (insert animal food here), why don't you just eat the real thing?"

It's a valid question, the answer to which truly highlights the fact that not all people go vegan for the same reasons. For a great many it's a question of animal rights, while for others it's to be as ecologically sound as possible. Some do it because they dislike the taste of meat and dairy and still others do it because they dislike the way eating animal products makes them feel.

 I fall partly into the last two categories. I have some health concerns that caused me to take dairy out of my diet and my dislike for certain meats made it a no brainer just to go vegan. I can assure you that I'm not sitting around saying, "Fuck animals and, while we're at it, the environment can kiss my ass too." I care about those aspects of veganism a great deal. But if I'm being honest, which I try to be, I feel that my individual biochemistry functions best on a plant based diet and so the primary motivation I have is my health.

Which means there are things that I chose to stop eating for their ill effects on me, not because I didn't find them god damned delicious. So to answer the question, I go to great lengths to find vegan analogues for foods I previously enjoyed so that I can have some of the same types of foods that I used to before Ulcerative Colitis and my desire to be overall healthier booted them from my fridge.

This loops us back to bacon. There are a few vegan bacon, or as my husband likes to call them "fakon", products out there but I have to say that my feelings on them are a mixed bag. On one hand, they can be fun to throw in during breakfast or as a flavor agent sometimes but on the other hand, some of them taste like you're consuming a physical manifestation of sadness, unrealized dreams and pain.

Looking right at you Smart Bacon

It isn't that they aren't fine for satisfying a craving, they are. It's just that they don't give you that smoky, crispy, greasy mouth feel that the real thing does. They don't give you the feeling that you're actually eating bacon. Sometimes they don't even give you the feeling that you're actually eating food.

This is merely science pretending to be food...I sprinkle it on shit though, I'm not gonna lie.

However, I still think that when the choice is to eat a nugget of bacon flavored mystery substance or eat Wilbur I'll take the mystery substance. I eat this shit pretty infrequently and if I can suffer radiation exposure merely by going outside or consume trace amounts of arsenic in applesauce without dropping dead, I don't think that a tablespoon of Bac'n Pieces a couple times a month is going to drive the nails into my coffin any quicker. 

Sprinkled into a salad with tomatoes, lettuce and a little light dressing for a deconstructed "BLT" salad, on a baked potato or in a tofu omelet or scramble, Bac'n Pieces can be a fun little addition. They're crunchy, they're bacon reminiscent, they're accidentally vegan, which is kinda fun and they're probably going to survive along with cockroaches, Twinkies and Cher when the sun turns into a red dwarf and other forms of life and matter as we know it cease to be. Neat.

J&D's Bacon Salt is another fun product, though this one is going to be something you'll want to use based on your own judgement. I bought this item on Amazon while searching for vegan bacon products one fine day. I got the product and was super pissed when I glanced at the label to see a list of completely vegan ingredients, but the allergy section showed milk. Wtf? Not a single ingredient listed was from dairy so I wrote the company to ask for clarification. They responded within a couple of hours.

o

I'm not overly concerned by this and thusly have chosen to use the product. Again, if this seems too risky for you I can completely see your point. I just choose to try and not freak out too much about things like possible cross contamination or, personally, I'll lose my marbles. If you have a dairy allergy though, I'd probably not chance it.

 So far, I've enjoyed it on baked potatoes and sprinkled on tofu omelets, though I've seen several reviewers online using it in everything from green bean casserole to veggie burgers. Anywhere that you'd like to add a bacon kick.

At the end of the day though, in my opinion, there's nothing better than homemade. If I'm really feeling like I want a couple strips of a bacon-like substance, I go with the Tempeh Bacon recipe from Vegan Brunch or this recipe from Vegetarian Times. There isn't a recipe posted on the ppk website for Isa's Vegan Brunch tempeh bacon recipe so I'd prefer not to rip her off and post it here. Seriously, you won't be sorry, just buy the damn book already.

Typically, I'll combine the two recipes by using the marinade ingredients from the Vegan Brunch recipe but I'll bake the tempeh according to the VT directions instead of pan frying them like Isa does. Then, I'll add one extra step all my own that I feel takes the bacon slices to the next level.

After baking the tempeh strips (or if reheating the leftovers) lightly spray a cast iron or nonstick pan with a little cooking spray and warm each side.

Once warm, drizzle a teeny tiny (about a quarter teaspoon at most) amount of maple syrup on top of the bacon strips

Spread it around until the entire surface of the bacon strip is coated with a thin layer and then flip, repeating the process on the other side. The bacon strips will start to sizzle in the pan a bit, which is satisfying. Flip again after about 10-20 seconds. You don't want the maple syrup to burn, but merely to caramelize onto the surface of the bacon.

I took a little nibble before I snapped the pic. I do that a lot. I regret nothing.

This gives the recipe that little extra texture and maple finish, making it seem just that much more like bacon. It's not greasy like bacon but the slick coating the syrup lends to the crispy strips mimics actual bacon more than the previous dry texture did while the maple flavor adds a layer that helps achieve a closer resemblance to bacon's complexity. 

Let's just say, this stuff doesn't last long around me. My inability to take a photo of the finished product with out going full fat kid on it first was probably a good indicator of that statement's veracity.