Fig Newton Oatmeal

I suck hard at baking.

I'm like the kid in gym who gets picked last for dodgeball and I'm all pissed about it because I like dodgeball and I totally wanna play but once I finally get settled onto a team and the coach blows the whistle I get all ramped up and flail around like a spaz, which gets me nailed in the head immediately by that sporty girl I kinda hate and completely reinforces to everyone why I was picked last in the first place. Like,I  really suck at it.

Me.

I genuinely have no idea what my problem is but my bread comes out flat, my cookies come out kinda hard and really cakey and my cakes come out crumbly. My husband has resigned himself to the fact that anything I bake will be a Shakespearean tragedy and gamely chokes down my attempts, but it verges on assault to make him do this very often. I plan on dedicating time at some point to attempt an improvement of my baking skills, but until then I rely on buying mostly ready made things from the store and satisfying my sweet tooth in other ways.

Enter Trader Joe's Fig Butter.

During a recent shopping trip to my local mecca of all things delicious and random, I came across an item that caught my eye. It was in the jelly section and so I think its intended use is for sandwiches, which is going to happen I assure you, but my brain immediately went to other applications. Breakfast applications.

The idea of Fig Newton Oatmeal was born. I used to love me some fig newtons back in the day. Since I'm too unskilled to bake some vegan ones, I figured this would be a fun homage to those doughy little squares of fabulous without attempting to produce a version that would inevitably be a rock hard while simultaneously undercooked mess, producing not happiness but instead the tears of children.

I prefer to cook oats on the stove due to my blinding rage at having to clean up the over spill when then microwave makes the oatmeal boil so rapidly that it grows into a swamp monster in there and tries to escape the bowl. I'll take the extra five minutes to boil some water in order to avoid the extra five minutes it takes to scrape scalding hot oatmeal goo from the microwave turntable. You may not have this issue, but you can probably bake a peanut butter cookie that wouldn't be able to double as a bludgeon so stop looking down your nose at me, okay?

For this recipe, I put some vanilla extract and the zest of about half of an orange into the water and brought it to a boil. It smelled like Christmas in my kitchen as it started to heat up.

I cooked the oats according to package directions and then mixed about a tsp of Earth Balance and a tsp of brown sugar in so they would get melty and awesome. I then stirred in a Tbsp of Fig Butter. This yielded a very mild fig taste in the finished product so if you want it to be really figgy you can always add in more. Go ahead. Get figgy with it.

(I'm so sorry.)

The finished product sports some walnut pieces and a little almond/coconut milk blend. You could top this with some cut up strawberries if you wanted to go for a bit of a Strawberry Fig Newton flair or maybe some agave if you wanted it a bit sweeter.

Fig Newton Oatmeal
makes 1 serving

Ingredients
1/3 cup oats (or however much your brand calls for in one serving)
1 cup water ( or the amount needed to make one serving of your oatmeal brand)
zest of 1/2 orange
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp vegan buttery spread (ie. Earth Balance or Smart Balance)
1-2 tsp brown sugar
1-2 Tbsp Fig Butter
walnuts and non dairy milk to taste (optional)

Directions

If preparing your oatmeal on a stove top, add water, vanilla and orange zest to a pot and bring to a boil. Add oats and reduce to medium boil, stirring often until desired thickness. (Duration will vary depending on the type of oats you are using. Refer to the package.)

If preparing in a microwave, add water, vanilla, orange zest and oatmeal to a microwave safe bowl and cook according to package directions.

Transfer cooked oatmeal to a bowl and stir brown sugar and buttery spread into the oats until well incorporated. 

Add fig butter and stir until well incorporated.

Add toppings of your choice.

Enjoy